I was shocked when I read things like ‘Nigerian women are the most unfaithful women in the World’ and I think, where are they pulling these ridiculous statistics? We? Long suffering, religious, tight lipped types! How?
Then shock of shockers was when my friend from the American Embassy confirmed to me the rumour that for Nigeria alone, for the Visa Lottery procedure, once a couple come in and the father believes all the children are his then they don’t disabuse their minds after DNA shows clearly they are not! They say they are offering a chance at a better life in America not to break homes. This after many battles in their offices when they give the results of DNA tests taken. A ridiculous percentage of fathers realised the children were not theirs!!! I almost fell off my barstool! What? Not possible!

Then you look around and I had a rethink. Those moments…

I used to attend an Evangelical Church in Lagos. One of those where we were all meant to be one big family. It was full of women who went from Prayer meetings to Prayer meetings. There was this particular older man Church Elder. Tall grey bearded well-spoken man. He would tease and play with the women. The Church made him have access to all manner of women. Some young, some old, some Madams, I mean rich men’s wives. These women who normally he would not even be able to get near. I found it amusing how these women old and young would giggle excitedly to his jokes often very inappropriate. He made them feel very comfortable. They competed to impress him. They went into his office to discuss the ‘Demons’ they’d left at home… And he wasn’t even the Pastor. Those moments…

Walking into my account officer’s office above the Banking Hall, her colleague is taking a break. She’s having her packed lunch. A male colleague walks in and he eyes her lunch bowl, the tiny bits of beef and beans wrapped around the rice in palm oil stew… Even I am having problems concentrating on my transfer instructions. ‘You bought that?’ He asks and she says she cooked it and brought it from home. It was as though there and then a marvel mystery was resolved. He sat next to her and told her how lucky her husband is, ‘You’re beautiful’ he told her. (I took a closer look and she was not bad looking), ‘You’re smart, and ‘you can cook’ but better still ‘you are sensible’ he continued…. Really? I thought. He continued, ‘Many ladies now are spoilt! They would rather go to an eatery’ he concludes. I can’t forget the smile that beamed on her face! It was better than if he had dashed her some money. Needless to say she invited him to join her and before we knew it they were eating out of the same bowl. Those moments…

A woman is sitting at home. Fuming at the latest row she has just had with her husband. Her phone rings, she doesn’t recognise the number but picks it up. The person on the other side is a man. They realise it’s a wrong number. She is polite and hangs up. The next thing her phone pings! It’s the same caller sending her a text. He writes. ‘U av a 1daful voice. Wud like 2 no u beta if u dnt mind. Lol’ (In that very annoying text language used nowadays)… She replies because she’s bored, she’s flattered by this stranger’s compliments… Those moments…

That well dressed dad. The one who is always hands on. Does the School runs, active for activities, knows all the children in the School, ready to be dunked and does all the barbecue at Fun day, but most importantly always compliments and has a nice word or even a hug for the stressed mummies. That daddy that makes those mummies with indifferent or insensitive or promiscuous husbands at home feel special. They notice they make extra effort when getting ready to do School runs. Those moments…

Yes, they are everywhere. Men that can make a woman fall. Temptations, that can lead to irreversible conclusions. They have happened and will keep happening because money cannot buy appreciation. Possessiveness and high handedness and ‘close marking’ don’t guarantee fidelity. Sometimes it is really the little things that count. Acknowledging the efforts of your woman buys you loyalty.
Women are homemakers not hunters. It can never be a woman’s motive to collect seed from outside to put in her nest.

Your wife should be like your treasured car. Drive her yourself carefully, service her regularly, oil her regularly, clean her always, show her off proudly, let it be known you’re the proud owner, as she gets older let her know she’s the vintage you’ve been looking forward to… Not trade her in for a newer model. Insure her with lots of Love and affection that she bears your mark and no need for a tracker…Yes fool!!! It is possible.
On the other side, ladies! All those opportunistic men though…

Yes the attention and the appreciation are nice. But wait! Don’t judge your own man until you have spoken to their wives.

Don’t compare them to your husbands until they have walked in your husband’s shoes. Are they as tolerant as your husband in letting you live your life? Can you tell the Church elder how many glasses of wine you take to unwind? If they worked as hard as your husband had to work to give you and your children all those nice things, would they have the time to text, what’s app and send and ask for those pictures telling you how good you look? Can you afford not to work if you were with them if that was your choice? Have you met their family? Would you have reasonable in laws in your kind of class? Most importantly if they knew the real you would they have chosen you as their spouse as your husband did? How are they to live with on a daily basis? The grass does honestly look greener on the other side. The trouble is with these ‘Opportunistic men’ I like to call them is that unlike your own you don’t get the chance to view the total package before you fall.

So which fool am I talking to?

Write to me and let’s share experiences.