Would I Marry me?
As I heard my friend Derin spit out venom as her daughter told her her boyfriend of 2 years, had come back that he could not marry her because his mother says there are signs of mental health issues in her family, I sat and I wondered. I felt for Derin because she was not disputing the claim as I thought she would be, nor did her concern seem to be whether the boy ever loved her daughter at all to be swayed at the first sign of defect observed, nor did I sense a fear of how many more boyfriends this issue will chase away and I think most important of all her heartbroken daughter. It was HER ego that was at stake. How dare that ‘wannabe’, whom they only stooped down to receive into their home because their daughter was getting on in age, reject them?!!! Could I imagine the insult she fumed….
It got me thinking, would she rather he married her beautiful daughter and then deal with her according after? as the ‘small’ issue of the mental health issues would still be there. Or marry her and then if the issue, which is hereditary, rears its head later then it will then be their headache? No longer hers?
In the old days, before a couple could marry each other after the man expressed an interest, relatives of the parties would travel sometimes far or near to find out if there were issues of Leprosy, Epilepsy and Mental health in the families before they could give their consent. Even then they realized these issues ran in families and this was their way of preserving themselves.
These days, I believe other than these fundamental issues couples need to look out for more by way of compatibility before taking the plunge.
As I get older, having seen quite a bit, I realize a lot of the cases causing friction could have been avoided if the heart break is done after the giddiness dies down and pressure to settle down takes over.
So as always I look inward. With all I know of myself would I marry me? I am sure why not? Would be considered my first answer. After all even a random poll on Facebook says my 9 best traits are that I’m humourous, seductive, affectionate, cool, good-looking, brave, cheerful, charismatic, cheerful!
The other day I walked into my mother’s house and my sister and brother were already there. I told them what busy day I had had on the set of my TV Series ‘Lasgidi Cops’ and then I dropped in a funny incident that happened to me that day in Alausa at the Secretariat.. First they both marveled at the diversity of my life.. Nollywood one minute, Civil servants in Alausa in the next and my brother said ‘I wouldn’t want to be married to you; you know… you’re too active. Nothing I do will faze you. A statement to which my sister agreed… So those are my own blood, raised as I was.
We were at Ikoyi Club one afternoon for our children’s swimming lessons. One of the ladies comes in and breezily and rushes her kids into the changing rooms and barely has enough time to say hello to us other mothers talk less have some Chapman or Chicken a lata that we all pig on, on the excuse we are watching our kids (Topic for another post). When asked what the rush was she says “My husband just called that he’s on his way back from the Airport, he came back early from Abuja and I wasn’t expecting him. I need to go get his Lunch ready, as he won’t eat if I don’t cook his food. He only eats my food’. Of course I reply ‘you know your husband is a liar right? He eats other people’s food very well”!! You could hear a pin drop as the other others stare at me!! They gasp ‘How could you have said that to her?’ Their reasoning being she says it not because she believes its true but to show off to us her husband loves her…. ‘Really?’ I laughed. Well she should not have said it to me. I couldn’t let it go..
We were at a Show when my phone beeped; I had to step out to pick up the call. I was in such a good mood thereafter when my bestie asked what the call was about. I said the job I have been chasing in Abuja is out. I need to go as soon as possible. Next thing I am calling my Taxi guy Mr Dele and making Hotel reservations. One of the ladies who joined us could not help it anymore. She says ‘you are going to Abuja by yourself for Business just like that and your husband would allow you?’
I didn’t get it! I still don’t get her point. ‘How does that arise?’ as my father would say.
And many other examples I could list. My point is that the flaws this brilliant Facebook poll lists for me are, I am too direct, I am too skeptical and I am demanding… Even in the praise, the attribute ‘Brave’ should raise a red flag in this Society we live in.
So perhaps as ‘Cool’ as I think I am, if the shoe was on the other foot I might not want to be the man responsible for this loose canon and then again in my Prayers perhaps the good looking, humourous, affectionate bits would make up for the flaws and I would be alright afterall. And I would marry me. Perhaps I would be like the husband I have and love me despite the flaws. And to end on that humourous note a little story that sums it up.
A young lovely friend of mine tells about her first experience of me at the School gate. A lady said I should stop scoping her your daughter for my son. I apparently promptly told her the girl though a baby was too old for my then 10-year-old son, and how my Son’s future wife was still a twinkle in her would be father’s eye. I said we don’t want a wife old enough to be answering back. To which she replied ‘From you Mrs W? Don’t you answer back? And I said ‘Well they should have done their due diligence before putting a ring on it.